what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize