I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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