then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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