I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
How does one acquire holy water?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
