We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
My breasts were aching with rage.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
