Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
God I need to hump something, right now.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
