Do you still have your period?
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
