so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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