Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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