cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
