I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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