it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
