C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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