the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Randomize
