My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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