Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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