she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
nutella sex= disaster
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
