Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
