I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
