if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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