Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
