So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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