Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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