I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
