Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
