That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
