Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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