you guys were way drunker than both of me
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
