when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
