I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
