you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
