You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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