So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
