Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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