Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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