***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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