U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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