his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
