its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
