I want to walk on stilts...naked
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
