You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
