If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
