God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
