You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Randomize
