Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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