I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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