So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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