First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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