Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
