I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize