you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
