I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
