We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Everyone says I win the strip club
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
