he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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