he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Randomize
