Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
