He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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