just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
