my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
two words: eviction party
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize