My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
