I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
This is classic penis vs brain.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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