I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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