I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
