I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
