96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
