Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
