Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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