she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
