If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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