i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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