lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
my shit smells like andre
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Randomize
