He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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