She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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