need another drink. this is the easiest way
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
