I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
