My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
