also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
