i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
