You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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