I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
