So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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