Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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