Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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