I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
