3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
