Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
