before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
