Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
