if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
