Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
