somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
