I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
