I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
