just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
We are two peas in an std pod
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
