dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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