It's like a parade of train wrecks.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize