The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
