Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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