I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
