i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
