There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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