She went from zero to smokin in five shots
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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