i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
