so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
