He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
