I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
