Michael Bay diarrhea
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
